I beg to differ. Right now, to me, 90 days seems like an eternity. Because that is how long it has been since Susan left us.
It's honestly been a lot harder to adjust to a life without her than I even thought it would be. I keep waiting for the day when my heart doesn't hurt and I don't have at least one major breakdown. I look at her photo on my wall and just beg her to come back even though I know of course, she cannnot. I beg her to send me sign that she can hear me talking to her. I need her help with so many things and she is just not here. I'm trying to pick a dress for our son Griffin's wedding, I am planning our September 2022 vacation and want someone to talk to (ad nauseaum most likely) about it. One of our favorite TikTokkers passed away and I wanted to talk to her about it, then I prayed she would get to meet her in Heaven. TV shows, YouTube, just life. I need her here. I've got things to say to her.
I feel so heavy, yet so empty at the same time. I don't know how to make it better.
I am trying. I really am trying to get out and do the things that I used to love doing. I truly know she would want me to do that. She would want me out there walking, hiking, taking photos, reading, blogging, and cooking. At the end of it though, I am reminded that I dont have her to share it with and then I get brought back down to the hard crushing reality of it all.
I just miss her so freaking much.
I'll keep kicking though. I will keep pushing everyday because that's what I do. That's what she would expect me to do. That's what my mom needs me to do, my kids, my husband and my friends. That's what I need to do.
There are still hikes to be hiked. Books to be read. Photos to be taken. Blogs to be written. So, that's what I will be doing, and talking to my baby sis all the while.
Thanks for reading.
Love to all.