Sunday, February 7, 2021

The struggle is real.

 Remember back in November when I turned 50 and I said it was no big deal to me?  

Yeah, so I lied. ๐Ÿ‘Ž

 Well, I didn't actually lie because at the time I felt that way but now, two plus months out, I feel a bit differently. ๐Ÿ‘ต

As you may or may not know I have been having some health issues since about last March.  I wrote about it in the blog post "On Turning 50...and a 2010 surgery reboot".  I had my hernia repair surgery on 12/17/2020 and let me tell you, my 50 year old self does NOT recover like I used to.  Its been nearly eight weeks since my surgery and truth be told, I do not feel better.  I am not barfing anymore so that is a HUGE blessing but the pain and lack of appetite is still around.  I have had some more testing including a colonoscopy which have netted zero results.  As a matter of fact, the prep for the colonoscopy made things worse.  I had to drink two bottles of that vile magnesium citrate and midway through the second one, I threw up for 40 minutes.  ๐ŸคฎTMI, I am aware but you know that's how I roll.  When that happened I felt something "tear" in my back and have been in terrible pain ever since.  I tried everything to make it better but nothing alleviated the pain.  Went back to the bariatric surgeon and he said that I likely ripped my hernia repair up.  However, there is nothing he can do until I am three months out from surgery. He said that "maybe" it was just a hematoma or some other stress on the surgical site but given my symptoms he is pretty sure I tore myself up.  So, I am basically back to square one.  On the positive, he told me to start eating "real" food again so anything goes as long as I can tolerate it. ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿ˜‹

It's been rough but I have decided that every day I feel like I can, I am getting out of this apartment.  I have spent the better part of December , all of January and so far most of this month suffering while being cooped up.  No more though!  If I am going to feel bad no matter what I do then I might as well get out of here and walk or take photos or take day trips or whatever I can do.  The depression is real.  I miss my friends and my family.  I'm sick of being sick, and I am sick of Covid.  

I got to see my sister today.  From the window of my apartment.  Through the window of her car.  For the first time since September.  Enough is enough.  I am not even feeling well enough today to go downstairs to talk to her while she sits in her car.  It's insane and I am over it.  I mean seriously.  If I am going to feel like dog crap what difference does it make where I am at while I feel like dog crap.  

So, there you have it.  Yesterday I went out in 20 degree weather ๐ŸงŠand went to a few different places at Mill Creek Park.  Mark comes home tomorrow for 48 hours and we have running around to do.  When he leaves on Thursday, I might take a ride to Lake Erie.  Who knows!  Life is too short and I simply cannot sit in this apartment by myself any more.  

Anyway, that's what's up. What have you been up to?

Anyone have big Valentine's Day plans?  I am going to surprise Mark will an early Valentines dinner on Tuesday.  He will be totally shocked because normally I don't give a hoot about this "holiday".  I even got him a card!  ๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ’•

Lois and Helen are doing great.  They have been such a bright spot for me in an otherwise miserable time.  I'm so thankful to have them.  Lois is a little crazy but so sweet.  She follows me everywhere I go and puts up with all my crazy photographing her.  Helen is a lot less tolerant of a camera up in her grill.  She is more independent and is a very typical cat meaning she picks and chooses when she wants to show and receive affection. I have become quite a "crazy cat lady".  I bought them houses, hammocks for the window and most recently a kitty drinking fountain.  I thought it would keep Lois out of the sink, but it doesn't. ๐Ÿˆ๐Ÿ˜ธ

I am planning a trip to NC at the end of February or beginning of March. I am really looking forward to seeing the boys and hopefully some of my friends down there.

Praying for health and safety for all of you!  ๐Ÿ˜ท

Thanks for reading and much love to all.๐Ÿ’–

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